mrcraabs:

eat spicy food while pregnant. your baby will become a fire mage. yes i am a doctor

(via staticpoison)


(via potterjay716)


And kid, you’ve got to love yourself. You’ve got wake up at four in the morning, brew black coffee, and stare at the birds drowning in the darkness of the dawn. You’ve got to sit next to the man at the train station who’s reading your favorite book and start a conversation. You’ve got to come home after a bad day and burn your skin from a shower. Then you’ve got to wash all your sheets until they smell of lemon detergent you bought for four dollars at the local grocery store. You’ve got to stop taking everything so goddam personally. You are not the moon kissing the black sky. You’ve got to compliment someones crooked brows at an art fair and tell them that their eyes remind you of green swimming pools in mid July. You’ve got to stop letting yourself get upset about things that won’t matter in two years. Sleep in on Saturday mornings and wake yourself up early on Sunday. You’ve got to stop worrying about what you’re going to tell her when she finds out. You’ve got to stop over thinking why he stopped caring about you over six months ago. You’ve got to stop asking everyone for their opinions. Fuck it. Love yourself, kiddo. You’ve got to love yourself.

yakdad:

there’s a dentist’s office above the starbucks i work at and the doctors come down all the time and today one of them walked in after a group of his coworkers and when they saw him he exclaimed “dentalmen!” and i fuckin lost it

(via ghostinthetardis)



carry-on-my-wayward-butt:

thegreensanitarium:

riverdogproductions:

newworldorganization:

drifterscave:

doitsundere:

anal0g2:

asvpyeezy:

kanye sleeping.

shhhh

Kanye Rest

in his Kanye Nest

when he wakes up he’s going to be his kanye best

This is the tale of Kanye West, who is snuggled in his Kanye Nest, having himself a Kanye Rest, for he must be at his Kanye Best, before he’s off on a Kanye Quest, where he’ll be put to the Kanye Test, in hopes to retrieve the Kanye Chest that is distinctly marked with the Kanye Crest, He shall return to the Kanye Nest and have himself a Kanye Fest, where he will welcome many Kanye Guests, but first he must be rid of Kanye Pests, before he can put on his Kanye Vest and dance at the party with such Kanye Zest.

did you just

this sounds like the intro theme song to a children’s show about kanye west going on adventures and respecting the sanctity of nap time

carry-on-my-wayward-butt:

thegreensanitarium:

riverdogproductions:

newworldorganization:

drifterscave:

doitsundere:

anal0g2:

asvpyeezy:

kanye sleeping.

shhhh

Kanye Rest

in his Kanye Nest

when he wakes up he’s going to be his kanye best

This is the tale of Kanye West, who is snuggled in his Kanye Nest, having himself a Kanye Rest, for he must be at his Kanye Best, before he’s off on a Kanye Quest, where he’ll be put to the Kanye Test, in hopes to retrieve the Kanye Chest that is distinctly marked with the Kanye Crest, He shall return to the Kanye Nest and have himself a Kanye Fest, where he will welcome many Kanye Guests, but first he must be rid of Kanye Pests, before he can put on his Kanye Vest and dance at the party with such Kanye Zest.

did you just

this sounds like the intro theme song to a children’s show about kanye west going on adventures and respecting the sanctity of nap time

(via alfredotheatheistpenguin)



promoted:

when a person who’s skinnier than you says they’re fat

image

(via pizza)


allisonilene:

sadhailey:

HANDS DOWN THE BEST SCENE OF ANY TV SHOW EVER

YES

allisonilene:

sadhailey:

HANDS DOWN THE BEST SCENE OF ANY TV SHOW EVER

YES

(via pizza)


sxizzor:

butthorn:

I just attended the best passion of the Christ play. As they were “nailing” Jesus to the cross the entire thing broke. No one knew what to do and it got quiet. Finally one of the guards on stage said “You get out of it this time Jesus”

omfg

(via staticpoison)